Home is Happy

After having Harrison, I remember being very nervous about going home. Since my delivery was uncomplicated, we were discharged after only two days. I remember thinking, "are they crazy??" I loved having the nurses who were so helpful. Breast feeding was hard and they could answer questions. I was also very sore and knew recovery would be hard and the hospital gave me assistance. 

This time I just wanted to be home. The second night I only got 1.5 hours of sleep and not just because of the newborn. The hospital bed became so uncomfortable and my tailbone was so sore. I missed my bed! 

But Sam was slightly jaundice, so he had some extra tests. One wasn't until 11:45 of our discharge day. Lucky for us, they said he was well enough to go home and the final test could be done at his first pediatric visit. So we got to leave around 11am. 

Coming home was quiet. Harrison and Cinder were both still at their grandparents. Harrison came home not long after, but cinder got to stay there an extra day. 

I didn't really realize my anxieties until we were home. I had just wanted the baby out xD

I was nervous about Harrison's reaction. 

I was nervous about Cinders reaction. 

I was/am nervous about my ability to raise two children. 

I am nervous about breast feeding again. 

I am nervous about my relationship with Harrison and also how it'll differ with Sam's. 

So many thoughts when having a new baby!

Harrison and Cinder have both done great so far! Cinder wants to lick the baby. Harrison is a big helper and gives the baby hugs and kisses. He also likes to pet Sams head. 

Balancing the two has been okay so far since Matt is home with us. We've also had grandparents helping. Harrison actually twisted his ankle the day after we came home. He seems fine now, but he had a hard time waking for a day. I've already gotten to lift both my boys at the same time. 

Feeding is going mostly well. He's latching nicely and my soreness is typical of just getting used to the sensation again. However, he's cluster feeding starting in the evening and wanting to eat a lot through the night. Sometimes he just wants to suck, but we can't give him a pacifier because I don't want him to confuse his nipples. He also likes to nurse to help him poop. He'll look really hungry, fuss at the nipple and then it gets gross and I go, "oh, so you weren't really hungry..."

My biggest anxiety, though, would be keeping up with Harrison. I have this mommy guilt that I brought another baby home and Harrison isn't really the baby anymore. I make sure to remind him how much I love him and try to keep my attention balanced. But I feel bad when I have to say things like, "Mommys helping the baby now, can you go ask daddy?"

I have mommy guilt!

Sams first doctor visit went great. He's healthy, no more jaundice, gaining weight. 

Recovery has also been a lot easier the second time around. I remember barely moving after having Harrison. This time, I've been active and feel pretty good. 

We'll see what the future has in store. It's a big adjustment. I feel like it's bigger adding a second child than when we had the first. For now, I think that's enough of my sleep deprived ramblings. This blog was really all over the place. It also took like 3 days to finish.