Home is Happy

After having Harrison, I remember being very nervous about going home. Since my delivery was uncomplicated, we were discharged after only two days. I remember thinking, "are they crazy??" I loved having the nurses who were so helpful. Breast feeding was hard and they could answer questions. I was also very sore and knew recovery would be hard and the hospital gave me assistance. 

This time I just wanted to be home. The second night I only got 1.5 hours of sleep and not just because of the newborn. The hospital bed became so uncomfortable and my tailbone was so sore. I missed my bed! 

But Sam was slightly jaundice, so he had some extra tests. One wasn't until 11:45 of our discharge day. Lucky for us, they said he was well enough to go home and the final test could be done at his first pediatric visit. So we got to leave around 11am. 

Coming home was quiet. Harrison and Cinder were both still at their grandparents. Harrison came home not long after, but cinder got to stay there an extra day. 

I didn't really realize my anxieties until we were home. I had just wanted the baby out xD

I was nervous about Harrison's reaction. 

I was nervous about Cinders reaction. 

I was/am nervous about my ability to raise two children. 

I am nervous about breast feeding again. 

I am nervous about my relationship with Harrison and also how it'll differ with Sam's. 

So many thoughts when having a new baby!

Harrison and Cinder have both done great so far! Cinder wants to lick the baby. Harrison is a big helper and gives the baby hugs and kisses. He also likes to pet Sams head. 

Balancing the two has been okay so far since Matt is home with us. We've also had grandparents helping. Harrison actually twisted his ankle the day after we came home. He seems fine now, but he had a hard time waking for a day. I've already gotten to lift both my boys at the same time. 

Feeding is going mostly well. He's latching nicely and my soreness is typical of just getting used to the sensation again. However, he's cluster feeding starting in the evening and wanting to eat a lot through the night. Sometimes he just wants to suck, but we can't give him a pacifier because I don't want him to confuse his nipples. He also likes to nurse to help him poop. He'll look really hungry, fuss at the nipple and then it gets gross and I go, "oh, so you weren't really hungry..."

My biggest anxiety, though, would be keeping up with Harrison. I have this mommy guilt that I brought another baby home and Harrison isn't really the baby anymore. I make sure to remind him how much I love him and try to keep my attention balanced. But I feel bad when I have to say things like, "Mommys helping the baby now, can you go ask daddy?"

I have mommy guilt!

Sams first doctor visit went great. He's healthy, no more jaundice, gaining weight. 

Recovery has also been a lot easier the second time around. I remember barely moving after having Harrison. This time, I've been active and feel pretty good. 

We'll see what the future has in store. It's a big adjustment. I feel like it's bigger adding a second child than when we had the first. For now, I think that's enough of my sleep deprived ramblings. This blog was really all over the place. It also took like 3 days to finish. 

 

Samuel Thomas

Well, that was a long day! And now I'm going to finish with a long winded birth story. 

The "morning" of 3/19: After having to pee oh-so-many times during the night, 4am rolled around with me feeling sick and sore. I decided to take a very early morning bath to help, since I knew that the uncomfortable pee sensation wasn't going away soon. I soaked for about 40 minutes, still didn't feel great and watched Netflix (Parks and Rec!) instead of going back to bed. 

It was about here that I was noticeably having inconsistent contractions. Of course I was hopeful, but not optimistic. When Matt got up for work, I told him about my almost steady contractions, but sent him to work anyway. He works so close, it wasn't a big issue. 

Contractions continued to steady. 1min long, 10 apart by this point, closing in at 7am. 

When Harrison woke up 15 minutes before his normal time declaring "Poopy!" I sighed and dragged myself upstairs. 

Poopy was an understatement. I should have had Matt stay home for this one. Through contractions that were getting stronger, I changed the rare blowout and plopped Harrison in the tub. After a quick wash, I had to finish cleaning his bedroom (sheets, pjs, etc). Finally, after all this ridiculous (and gross) hullabaloo, we were able to get our morning started. The contractions were definitely even now, and I instructed Matt to come home. 

Harrison watched his Curious George while I timed and breathed. Matt was running slow so I left him a message: "You should be home now"

Of course, he walked in the door right after. Between 8-9, they grew to 7 min apart. I decided to call the clinic and they said that's a good time to come in for a second baby. I kissed Harrison goodbye to leave him with Grandma and told him we were going to have a baby. He asked for more Curious George. 

I thought this was going to go so fast. Harrison was only 6 hours of labor. Boy was I wrong!

I was monitored in the triage room (not admitted) for 4 hours. I was barely progressing. I was only at a 3.5 when I arrived, barely bigger than my previous doctors visit. 2 hours in: same. 

My nurse, K, was fantastic though! He was very reassuring, even though I had a high chance of being sent home. I cried when he left the room at one point because I just wanted to have the baby and the contractions were strong enough to make me nervous about going home. At 39 weeks they were reluctant to do anything to move it along without me progressing more on my own. They also had two inductions that were hopeful to get in. 

He suggested I take a walk to liven things up, and 40 min of that did enough of a trick to push me just past a 4! And contractions coming about 4 min apart now. 

After all that waiting I was finally admitted into a birthing room. And because I was progressing and contractions were getting stronger, they agreed to break my water. This helped the contractions along nicely, though not having the same effect it had with Harrison. My mom was able to head over quickly and Megan came up after work. 

We were able to get through Tangled, and I got my epidural sometime during Beauty and the Beast. I had been sitting on my birthing ball, a comfortable place to roll out contractions, but I just wanted to stand for a moment. Standing did something crazy and the pain in my contractions spiked so fast that I was calling the nurse in a few minutes for my epidural. 

This time around, the epidural didn't numb me quite as much, I could still feel a lot of pressure, which was a good thing.  When I was last checked around the epidural before K ended his shift, I was still only a 4-5. But I had fully effaced and baby's head was low. Still was hoping for better dilation. (At this point of writing, I had been up for 21 hours. All three of us were out after the nurse helped clean up the bedding area. Now it's about 4 in the morning).

Aladdin was up next. 

I was numb, but comfortable. My new nurse was really nice, but a little more matter-of-fact. After Aladdin, I debated very briefly about popping in the LotR trilogy. But it was time for a cervical check. It had been a few hours since they had a look. I was surprised when she said I was about good to go! We just had to wait for the doctor to finish helping baby #1 next door. I was to be #2 of 4 tonight. 

My dad came up to the hospital to wait, but didn't stay in the room too long. Megan stayed this time, but hid in the corner. Dr. W came in (different doctor than Harrison had) and while it was barely after 9:30, they said he'd be out by 10. I had pushed 2 hours with Harrison, and after nearly 15 hours of labor, I was hoping this time would be quick. 

I started pushing just before 9:45 and Samuel Thomas was born at 9:51pm. He was out in less than ten minutes and it was awesome!

A small mop of dark hair, a bigger cry than his brother and he was on my chest, ready to meet his mommy and daddy and greet the world. He looks a bit like Harrison, same nose, but his head is smaller and and less squish faced. 

Sammy weighed in at 7lbs 8oz and 20.25 in long. A wonderful healthy size. And barely smaller than Harrison's 7lb15oz. If Sammy had taken it all the way to 41 weeks like his bro, he probably  would have been a big boy. 

I'm so excited for him to meet the rest of his family, especially his fantastic older brother. I'm also hoping Harrison doesn't ask us to "take him back" once we bring Sam home. 

I'm so tired, but he's so sweet laying on me. It's also time to feed him again, but he's being awfully sleepy. I thought he was waking up to eat, but as soon as he was on my chest he was out again. Sammy looks like he'll be a pro at breast feeding soon. Wish me luck balancing boob feeding and a toddler!

I'll add more pictures once we get our cameras home. These are just from my phone. 

Now time for snuggles and rest. 

39 Weeks and counting

Today was one of those days. I just want it to be done. 

I wanted to enjoy today. I wanted to enjoy taking Harrison out to Target and Northtown. He's usually so well behaved and loves coming out with me. I wanted to enjoy a cone from Dairy Queen. Most of all, I wanted to enjoy watching Harrison chase his daddy around the living room because he loves running so much. 

But it was hard. I dragged our butts to Target this morning for grocery shopping. Spent most of the morning on my feet. Got bit by Harrison before nap time (he was a puppy apparently). Took Harrison to Northtown where he ate his dropped chocolate off the ground, grabbed everything in the pet store and then we were rudely mumbled at by some women while exiting when I didn't hold the door for her while she was halfway down the sidewalk and I am toting a 39week fetus, a large diaper bag and a misbehaving toddler. I feel like the nicest freaking person in the world that I A) held the door open for her anyway and B) didn't give her a piece of my mind being that she had two arms, two legs and was perfectly capable of opening a door on her own. 

I'm beyond crabby now. Get home, missed a call from the hospital about my registration and had to strap Harrison down in his high chair just so I could call back. Curious George was the rest of the afternoon. I gave up. I wanted to just sit down and that show has the power to make my toddler catatonic. 

Following dinner (and a tantrum over it), we sat down again so I could fight my heartburn and nausea (which is horrible tonight) and slip on the couch jamming my shoulder on the corner. 

I'm done. I'm ready to have the baby, but now I am quite sure he's going to be stubborn like Harrison. My body feels so broken and I can't keep up with anything. So many pregnant women feel so strong or powerful while pregnant over the amazing things our bodies can do. I am really sad that I don't feel that way. 

I just ate my second Russel Stover chocolate covered cookie dough egg of the day. Chocolate is good for the soul (but not for heartburn.. I eat it anyway). 

Tomorrow will be better! Or Else!

37 Weeks

Post appointment pregnancy status: 3cm dilated and 75% effaced and the baby is dropped super low. 

This is very good, as I was afraid I'd be the same as last week. I was close to tears waiting in the exam room. I'm feeling nauseous again, bad heartburn very night and the baby is so low that I get stabbing vagina pain every time he moves his head. Needless to say, I was hoping to have progressed since last week (2cm & 0%), which I have. Hooray! 

This part is the most frustrating. I could have a baby by tomorrow morning... or four weeks from now. The doctor did say that I am progressed enough to be induced at 39 weeks, but I think I'd wait until at least 40. Definitely not going past 41, I will request an induction before then. 

However, I don't think I'll make it that long. I'd much rather go naturally, but I'm not against an induction. 

The doctor also said that this labor will likely be quick, which is common for second deliveries, but not a sure thing. Still, once I'm pretty sure I'm in labor, I'll be heading to the hospital straight away. I'd prefer an epidural and don't want to miss my window. 

Harrison's labor was only 6 hours and 2 of that was pushing. Makes me a little nervous for this one, since it is likely to be a lot shorter. 

I am ready, though! So ready! Let's do this!

Also, Harrison likes to hug "the baby" (my belly) and give him kisses. This has been completely unprompted, I think he's excited to be/have a brother. 

Harrison picked out a snazzy new watch. He likes to show it off.