Pepper

This has been one if the hardest weeks ever. Harrison and I are feeling much better after our nasty illness, but Pepper did not recover from her own. 

She had been sick for some time. First in August. It was treated and went away, but came back in November. For over two months we tried various medicines and diet changes. She just kept getting worse. I would get so hopeful whenever we would try something new. But nothing seemed to help much. Since the treatments we were trying were unsuccessful, the most likely cause of her illness was cancer. 

What I keep thinking about is the first time I met Pepper and decided to adopt her. I went to the Humane Society specifically to see her, it had only been two weeks since we moved into our new home. I saw her picture online and she was so sweet looking and I just knew. 

When I took her into one of the kitty rooms, she looked a little ill. Her fur was oily and dandruffy, she just looked a little miserable. I didnt decide right away, I had arrived at the HS late and knew I didn't have time that evening to adopt and take her home. I played with some of the other cats while I thought. Still undecided, I told one of the employees that I had come to see Pepper. She pulled me back over to Peppers kennel and placed me right in front of it and said, "stand here and watch." She opened the kennel and Pepper quickly stepped out and cuddled up right on my shoulder. It was apparent she needed love. 

I started tearing up and that was it. The employee I was with looked as if she was going to cry too. Pepper had been there awhile, she was labeled as 8 years old (possibly older) and kept getting passed up for kittens. I wasn't allowed to take her home yet, but I was able to start the paperwork and keep her on hold. I called Matt and told him I adopted a cat. 

We picked her up the next day and brought her home. Within a week, her skin and fur improved tremendously, she looked healthy and happy. She happened to be the most affectionate cat I have ever met. More than that, her temperament was perfectly suited to my own. She was my soulcat and while I'm sure I'll love other cats, none will compare to her. Pepper loved nuzzling, she was cuddly, but not overly needy. Also, she didn't constantly hide, I could always find her or call her name and she'd come running. She loved her name. 

She was tolerant when we brought home a puppy, she was excellent when we came home with Harrison and I'm sure she would have been great for Sam. In the last few weeks she had even taken to getting Harrison up in the morning. She would jump up on his bed and let him cuddle all over her. Harrison really loved Pepper. 

Harrison has been really sweet. While he doesn't understand what happened, he knows she was sick and she's not coming home. When Matt and I came home from the clinic yesterday, Harrison brought me a box of tissues and juice. I also mentioned, kind of to myself, that Cinder doesn't know Peppers not coming back. Harrison actually knelt down next to the dog and very sweetly said "Kitty, no, kitty, no" while petting her nicely. I have the sweetest little boy. 

It's been a really hard few days, but I know we did the right thing. She's no longer miserable and suffering. I just wanted her to be better and I will miss my kitty snuggles. 5 years was far too short a time with her. 

The worst week

It's not been a good few weeks. All the negatives are outweighing the positives at the moment. 

- Harrison and I have been really sick. We both got a cold just before Christmas and when it finally seemed to be going away, we both caught another, worse one. Harrison got mild pneumonia and an ear infection from it and I got a sinus infection and a special inhaler so that I could breathe without dying. I actually slept sitting up for three nights in a row. 

- Not only did I have another rough and nauseous first half of my pregnancy, but it went away to become a nasty cold, for the cold to finally fade into third trimester nausea and horrible, horrible acid reflux. My body just can't win. 

- The stress on my body from the illness and just feeling constantly anxious about everything seems to be causing multiple Braxton hicks a day. I don't remember having so many contractions with Harrison. Maybe it's just that I recognize them better this time around. 

- To top off my crappy days, pepper is still really sick too. She's on a special diet, we're trying a second medication, she's had a full work up that didn't tell us much, and not what's causing her problems. So far, just this morning, she has thrown up 3 times and had diarrhea in 5 different locations. The next step, if this medication doesn't start to work, is an intestinal biopsy. Which is really expensive. And could tell us nothing. Even if the biopsy came back positive, I don't see how it can be treated more than the things she's on and if it's cancer, there's really only one more option. I really don't want her to suffer anymore, but I really don't want to lose her. She is the best cat and like my little furry baby. It's just so hard knowing what to do. 

I know this isn't a fun post, but it's not a fun time. I want to be nesting, getting ready for my new baby, working away at con costumes, and playing with Harrison. But instead I am worrying constantly, cleaning up after my sick cat, always tired from being sick and pregnant, and all too entirely overwhelmed. I am trying so, so hard to stay calm lately. 

I promise a better post maybe this weekend with pictures of Harrison. Hopefully some good things will happen.